Prophetic Destinies Suck, or Kurt, The Vampire Slayer
by Monchy
Summary: Kurt is a vampire slayer. Sebastian is a vampire. Also, Sue is the worst watcher in the world and Kurt really needs an outfit for killing vampires. Silly stuff.


**Prophetic Destinies Sucks, or Kurt, The Vampire Slayer**

The first time Kurt sees him, he doesn't so much see him as he hears him. He's on his way home, the sun has just set, and he hears what on a normal day would have sounded like nothing but the rustling of bushes around him. His newly found senses, though, say it's something else. Because apparently being gay in Ohio wasn't bad enough, and he now has to be a stupid Slayer with superhuman powers under the orders of a psychopathic cheerleading coach. Yey, his life.

Any case, a rustling is what he hears, and his eyes immediately follow the sound and catch sight of a boy perched on top of a wall, smirking at him with his head tilted to the side, as if appraising him. Now Kurt knows his senses should be enough to tell him that this is a vampire before him, but the truth is that the creatures of the night are easier to identify by their particular clothing choices. He guesses this one is not so bad, clad in leather and jeans in a cheap James Dean imitation. It's definitely an improvement on the usual Starsky & Hutch look most vampires who haven't been above the ground for the past two decades choose.

"So," Kurt says, standing tall and checking his pocket for his trusty stake, "Are you going to come down here so that I can kill you?"

The guy has the gall to laugh. "Cute," he says.

"Ha. No, but really, I have a test tomorrow and I need my sleep."

The guy jumps from the wall then, limber and graceful, more like an animal than a human being. Kurt stops for a moment to think that killing such a nice body is kind of a terrible waste, but composes himself in a second and stands as if ready to attack.

"Easy there, kitten," the vampire says, raising both hands in front of him as if to make Kurt back-off. "We're not going to do the whole trying to kill each other thing."

"Why not?" Kurt asks, his hand already wrapped around his stake. "Vampire," he continues, pointing at the guy, "vampire Slayer," he says, this time pointing at himself. "It's just kind of the way it works."

The vampire just smirks at him before stepping into his personal space. Kurt bristles, suddenly invaded by the feeling of danger, but does nothing when the vampire's hand touches the collar of his shirt.

"You don't seem like the type to follow rules," he says. "Not when you seem to be into wearing girl clothes."

Kurt bats his hand away with a huff. "As if your popped collar is somehow a valid fashion choice, James Dean."

The vampire laughs, open and free, and dammit, would it be terrible for vampires to be vile, ugly creatures? It's not fair that he has to go around killing such good-looking people.

"Feisty, I like it," the vampire says when he's done laughing. "You're prettier than the last one, too."

Kurt feels a blush spread through his cheeks, and he hates that he can't stop it. Honestly, they gave him superhuman strength but not the ability to stop blushing? This whole Slayer business is a complete waste of time. "Can we just get to the killing already? I find your hair offending and I want to rid the world of it."

The vampire hums, as if considering it. "No, I don't think so," he declares finally.

Then, he turns around. He turns around and gives his back to a freaking vampire Slayer and really, he's just asking for it. Kurt does nothing, though, a little uncomfortable with attacking a guy whose only crime has been being annoying.

"See you around, Slayer Kurt," he says, lifting his hand and waving as he starts to walk away.

"We better not if you want to live!" Kurt yells at his back.

The guy laughs again, the sound loud in the mostly silent night, and Kurt is only half frustrated. The other half is kind of amused by the whole thing.

"We'll see about that, princess!" the vampire says, his back still turned. "Name's Sebastian, by the way."

* * *

Next time he sets his eyes on Sebastian's smirky face, Kurt's busy kicking some nameless vampire's ass. Somewhere in the vicinity, Sue is yelling at him that he's useless and that she's bored and Kurt wants to punch all three of them in the face. He settles for staking the vampire, and scrunching his nose when the resulting dust falls on his clothes.

"Ew," he says, "dead vamp." He really needs to get himself a slaying wardrobe; McQueen is not ready for long walks down the cemetery and vampire killing.

"I'm impressed, princess, that was quick," Sebastian says, walking his way with his hands inside his jean's pockets. If he's trying to look unthreatening he's doing a terrible job at it. Kurt tells him so.

"I like this one, Sue," he says in between a guffaw. "He's sassy."

"You know this guy, Coach?" Kurt asks, pointing an accusing finger at Sebastian and looking at the tracksuit-clad woman walking his way. He's surrounded by fashion murderers.

"Vampire with a soul trying to atone for his past sins," Coach says, "It's a boring sob story that shouldn't stop you from staking his sorry ass, Porcelain."

Kurt stares, first at Sue and then at Sebastian. Vampire with a soul? That one's new.

"And it didn't occur to you to tell me about him?" Kurt asks.

"I was too busy terrorizing my cheerios into a fantastic nationals winning routine," Sue tells him, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Kurt has never met any other watchers, but he's pretty sure Sue has to be the worst one ever. Why is she even allowed around people, let alone fragile teenage minds?

"Now Deadboy," Sue continues, looking at Sebastian, "be a nice little lapdog and walk Porcelain home. Explain to him that thing with The Master and his impending death; I can't deal with teenage hysterics."

"Impending death? What? Sue?" By the time Kurt manages to utter this Sue's already gone, horrible, horrible woman that she is. "What's she talking about?" he says, looking at Sebastian accusingly.

Sebastian shrugs, and instead of giving him an answer he just grabs his elbow and pulls until they're walking side by side. Kurt's mind if reeling because _impending death, wtf _but also because he doesn't think a guy has ever touched him willingly and Sebastian is kind of stupidly attractive.

"So," Sebastian says after a minute of walking in silence, "prophecy goes that The Master will rise from underground and kill the Slayer, and in doing so will open a portal to Hell and then apocalypses, yada, yada, yawn, lots of awful things for everyone involved."

Kurt literally squeaks. "Kill the Slayer?"

"Not on my watch," Sebastian says. He stops, turns towards Kurt. "Not on my watch, Kurt, I promise."

"You promise?"

"Well, he can try," Sebastian says, smirk in place, "but I don't think you'll go down easily, you're too much of a bitchy diva to go just like that."

"Ugh," Kurt says, "I'm walking home alone," and after a beat, "I don't like you."

"What? I'm adorable."

"Ugh."

* * *

"I've got it!" Rachel exclaims, "The Vampire Avengers."

"That's stupid," Kurt replies. "We're not getting a group name. Also, that sounds like we're going to avenge vampires instead of kill them."

"Kurt has a point, Rach," Blaine says next to him, nodding importantly. His bright bowtie seems to dance with the movement. "How about the Vampire Gang?"

"Oh my God, Blaine, do _not _join the crazy."

It's unavoidable, though. Once they're at it, Rachel and Blaine are unstoppable, and not for the first time does Kurt wonder why the hell he thought telling them about the Slayer thing was a good idea. Also, seeing Blaine climbing the Berry Crazy Train and driving, he wonders how he was ever so infatuated with him. He's still adorable, of course, but he's ridiculous enough that he will be suggesting superhero costumes in no time. And Kurt is _not _wearing spandex, thank you very much.

"Well hello, there, Scooby Gang," Sebastian says, sitting next to Kurt, and oh God, where did he come from?

"Would it kill you to make some noise?" Kurt asks, smacking Sebastian's arm. Kurt sees him flinch at the strength behind the hit, and smiles smugly.

"No," Sebastian answers, "but it might kill _you_, princess. You need more training."

"Sure, yes," Kurt says, "I will just stop coming to class altogether because I have to learn how to kill vampires. Dad will _love _that."

Sebastian just looks at him, bright green eyes half closed and expression hard. It's almost like he's about to say something serious, so Kurt just looks back with defiance in his eyes. He's trying to survive high school in Ohio here, the last thing he needs is someone reminding him that he needs to survive, period.

"They're doing that staring thing again," Blaine stage-whispers.

"It's kind of fascinating," Rachel replies.

It's enough to make Kurt break the staring contest, and look down at his untouched homework. He was trying to do something productive with his life here, but that's impossible with crazy friends and an ambiguous vampire for company.

"What are you doing here, Sebastian?" he asks finally. He doubts McKinley High is his favorite place to hang out.

"I, uh…" he starts, looking at Blaine and Rachel for a second, his expression almost shy. "I brought you something." He pushes a small box Kurt's way. "To protect you and stuff. From The Master and the rising and yeah. So. There."

"Ah, yes, the rising," Kurt says, doing his best at not blushing because Sebastian is being all uncomfortable and he brought him something and Kurt is only human. "And when will that be happening?"

"Soon," Sebastian says.

"Wow, that's specific and helpful," Kurt deadpans.

"Just open the damn thing."

Kurt does. The box contains a small cross-shaped brooch, pretty and just the kind of thing Kurt loves. He does blush this time. Before he has time to think about it, Sebastian is reaching forward and removing the airplane brooch he's wearing today, his fingers deft and careful, and oh God, there's just two layers of clothing between them and Kurt swears he can feel Sebastian's skin on his. By the time Sebastian pulls away, Kurt's feeling a little dizzy.

"Go ahead, put it on."

Kurt does, blush fully covering his face now. "Thanks. It's pretty."

"It's meant to be useful," Sebastian counters, hiding a soft smile that Kurt still manages to catch through the corner of his eye.

They're silent then, just for a minute. Finally, Sebastian stops looking at Kurt and points a finger at Blaine and Rachel.

"Now listen here, fun-sized people," he says, "no names, and definitely no costumes."

After that, he leaves, and if Kurt misses Blaine's pout, it's only because he's too busy watching Sebastian's retreating back.

* * *

The first sign of the rising comes with the attack of The Lima Bean by a group of bloodthirsty vampires. It's open and bold, and it almost manages to get Rachel killed. Of course, the constant retelling of her dramatic near death experience is enough to almost make Kurt wish that the attempt had come to fruition.

Kurt had been surprised by the attack, so much that if Sebastian hadn't appeared in the scene, breaking glasses and jumping evil vampires without messing one single hair in his head, they would all probably be dead by now. Sue keeps grumbling about melodramatic vampires with hero complexes, but Kurt is still kind of swooning.

The next sign comes with The Anointed One, some vampire that's supposed to rise the exact same night Kurt had planned spending on a Twilight marathon with his girls. Instead of that, though, he gets to wait in the funeral home for the stupid vampire.

"Are we sure this is tonight?" he asks. He's freezing, and it's late, and right now he just wants to sleep.

"Positive," Sebastian says next to him. Sue's kind of bullied him into being here with noting but insults. "Got somewhere better to be, princess?"

"At my house, looking at Taylor Lautner's abs," Kurt answers. It's sad, but they're really good abs and he's not ashamed, dammit.

Sebastian smiles at him, and then turns the expression into a leer. "Well, if it's abs you want to see…" Right before he pulls his t-shirt up, there's a noise coming from the inside of the funeral home, and Kurt curses under his breath because _come on_, he was going to get to see real life _abs_, and it's just _not fair. _

The moment Kurt sees The Anointed One, Kurt renames him The Humongous One, because oh my God, he's never seen a guy this big ever, and he comes with teeth and muscles, too. The fight is long and tiring, they move a lot and Kurt notices his head bleeding at some point and The Humongous One doesn't even look tired. Kurt kills him though, thanks to Sebastian's heroics that end up with him in a puddle of blood on the floor.

After The Humongous One is well and truly dead – _The Dusty One, heh,_ Kurt thinks – Kurt runs towards Sebastian's prone form, almost gagging at the sight of the blood. Sebastian's face is in its vampire state, scrunched up and toothy, and dammit if Kurt doesn't think he's still pretty. He has it bad, doesn't he?

"Seb, God, Seb, are you alright?"

Sebastian smiles through his teeth, and then his face slowly goes back to its normal state. He's bleeding all over, but Kurt can already see the wounds beginning to heal.

"Aww, you're not worried about me, are you, princess?"

Kurt huffs. "No, I'm not. Hell, I should take advantage of your weakened state and kill you."

"Now come on, sweetheart, we both know I'm too pretty to die."

Kurt says nothing, instead choosing to help Sebastian up and away from the pool of blood under him. The liquid permeates his clothes still, and Kurt feels kind of sick. He doesn't want to see Sebastian and so much blood at the same time ever again.

"So," Kurt asks much later, when Sebastian is putting on a show of not being hurt and walking him home, "Does this mean The Master won't rise?"

Sebastian sighs. "Not really, it just means that it'll be a little harder."

"Oh fantastic, just fantastic. Impending death, here I come."

"You'll be fine, Kurt," Sebastian assures.

"You can't know that."

"Yes, I can. You've got me, don't you?"

* * *

The Master does rise after all, and because Kurt's life is, well, _Kurt's life, _he does it right after Kurt has cruelly been crowned Prom Queen by his peers. The hell mouth opens right under the gym, and for a second there, Kurt just wants to let the tentacles coming out of it eat every single student in this stupid school. He's almost positive the world would be a better place without them. His conscience talks, though, and he gets ready to willingly go and face The Master in order to save the big bunch of ungrateful idiots that is this town.

"We'll go with you!" Rachel shrieks, dramatic and over the top, eyes filled with tears. Kurt hugs her, tight and close, because the girl's crazy but she's also his best friend.

His second hug goes to Blaine, and when he's in his arms, he whispers, "Take care of my dad, ok?"

He walks away after that, his steps taking him to the real Anointed One, who happens to be a little kid, and not the gigantor they killed so many nights ago. Before he reaches him though, Sebastian starts walking next to him.

"So, what do you say we kill ourselves an ancient vamp?"

"Seb!" Kurt exclaims. "Seb, no, you have to stay here and make sure everyone's alright. I'll deal with The Master myself." It sounds heroic and right, and nothing like Kurt feels. He's trembling and he's scared.

"You want me to save the jackasses that gave you that crown?"

Kurt laughs a little hysterically, and for the first time notices the tears that bubble around his laughter. "Save the Glee Club first," he manages to say.

"Hey, hey," Sebastian says, reaching forward and grasping his arms. Instead of stepping into Kurt's personal space as he usually does, he pulls forward until Kurt finds his chest. It's a nice chest, and now Kurt can't stop the tears.

"Oh God, I'm going to die, aren't I?" he says, his face hidden somewhere around Sebastian's neck.

Sebastian looks down, searches for his eyes, and when he finds them he says, "You're not going to die, Kurt."

"Yes, yes I am!" Kurt is hysterical now, but can't find it in himself to care. "I'm going to die an unkissed virgin who has never sang on Broadway and who has just been crowned Prom Queen by the stupid jocks that he's going to give his life for! How is that fair?"

"I think the crown suits you, princess."

Kurt snorts between his tears. "Excuse me, it's queen now."

Sebastian laughs, his always present smirk turning into a soft smile. He reaches up and presses both hands to Kurt's cheeks, cupping his face. "Come here," he says, and then he kisses Kurt.

Kurt doesn't have any room to compare, but as far as he's concerned, the kiss is perfect. Sebastian's lips are soft and wet, and Kurt feels himself yielding to the touch from second one. He hears himself whimper, and then smiles against Sebastian's mouth when he presses him closer, arms tight around his waist after sliding down his neck and then his back. Kurt kisses back eagerly, feeling sloppy but too far gone to care. When Sebastian breaks away, he follows him with a whine and kisses him again, lips parted and breath warm. Sebastian allows the kiss, even clutches him tighter against his chest. The second time they break away, Sebastian keeps him close.

"See, princess?" he says softly, right against his ear. "You won't die unkissed now, and when you're done killing that stupid vampire that thinks he can take you, we can discuss that whole virginity issue."

Kurt blushes crimson against Sebastian's neck, and when he walks to meet his destiny, he's not crying anymore.

* * *

In the end, Kurt does die. For like, a second. It's the time it takes Blaine to come to his rescue and breath him back to life with enough energy to end The Master's life. They rejoice, and then they move on. High school goes on the same as always, as if giant tentacles hadn't come out from under the gym's floor during prom, and Kurt goes back to Slayer duties.

Two weeks after the whole debacle, Sue abandons him at the cemetery, waiting for any possible awakenings, freezing in the cold night.

"Boring night?" Sebastian asks when he approaches him. Kurt's not surprised, has already learned to listen to his particular steps. He closes his eyes until Sebastian is next to him, and when he opens them again, the vampire is offering him a cup of coffee.

"You brought me coffee?"

Sebastian nods. "Grande non-fat mocha for the surviving Slayer."

Kurt takes the cup with a smile and drinks slowly while Sebastian settles himself next to him against the wall he's leaning on. Kurt looks at him through the corner of his eye, and blushes a little. Damn his stupid pretty mouth. He's about to say something when Sebastian turns and leans towards him, and his blush intensifies. Sebastian's mouth is an inch away when he says:

"Kurt."

"Yes?"

"Right behind you."

"Wha–" Kurt looks behind himself, where a vampire with terrible hair and even more terrible clothes is looking at him in a somewhat menacing way. "What, now? Really?" he sighs, and passes his coffee cup to Sebastian. "Hold that for me, will you?"

It takes Kurt a fancy flip and two minutes to get rid of the vampire and end up covered in dirt and dust. He hates his stupid prophetic destiny with a passion.

"Well, so that's done," he says, looking up at Sebastian. "Where were we?"

"Right here."

It takes Sebastian less than a second to be pressed against Kurt, lips eagerly searching his own. Kurt falls into it with ease, arms around Sebastian's neck and lips pliant. When they break apart, Sebastian wraps an arm around him, hands him his coffee back, and steers him in the direction of his house.

"Now," Sebastian says after a while, "about that discussion we were going to have about your virginity…"

Kurt smacks him, grateful that the lack of light covers his ever-present blush.

"What?" Sebastian asks, "The life of a Slayer is full of dangers, we wouldn't want you to die immaculate, now would we?"

Kurt smacks him again, harder this time, and then laughs when Sebastian presses another kiss to his lips. Ok, so maybe there's a few things about his prophetic destiny that he doesn't hate that much.


End file.
